I should invest in a compact mirror.

Sunday, April 1

While sorting through the pictures on my phone, I noticed that I have about four hundred and eleven* photos of the back of my head.

'But why?’ I (don’t actually but will imagine for the purposes of this post that I) hear you ask.

It’s not because I particularly like to look at the back of my head (although, you know, I am glad it’s there). It’s more because I’m trying to check for unruly hairs in order to flatten them. I tend to attack my hair with millions of kirbie grips to keep it up and in the process, little strands of hair tend to stick straight up ...which (to the UFO-fearing-eye) can make it look like I have antennae coming out my head.

To answer your question then (yes, I know you didn’t actually ask it, but play along with me here), I take these pictures to try and reassure the people walking behind me that I am, in fact, human. I take them to avoid having to overhear whispered conversations like this:

‘Is - is that an alien walking on front of us, Fred?’
‘I’m not sure, Mabel. It doesn't appear to be. It’s got arms and legs like us, and I can’t see any green skin.’
‘I know that Fred. But the antennae? What about the antennae, Fred? They look quite extra-terrestrial-ish to me.’
Fear not humans. I am one of you! 
(*note: possibly a slightly exaggerated number. Anyway... I should actually be writing an essay just now so cheerio!)

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