gratitude.

(one.) Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Valentines (soon) - it's been a while! Hello.

(two.) Brilliant news: my short story 'Egg and Cress' was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 last night! It was as part of the Scottish Shorts series (produced by Eilidh McCreadie, 'showcasing the best new writing from Scotland'. Goodness).

It was quite a nervewracking-surreal-amazing-wonderful experience listening to someone else read my writing (...and on the radio. On the BBC! I still can't get my head round this).

(three.) The story will be on iPlayer for the next week if you fancy a listen (click: here), and I think it will be replayed at some point too. (Send me a comment if you do!)

♥

(Picture from: here)

if not always.

So, quite a lot has happened since May 16th. Good things like: I've been halfway across the world (in Atlanta, Georgia, with the most lovely, kindred-spirit sort of friends - pictures from this adventure later). 

...and, more recently, I graduated from the University of Strathclyde (I'm now the proud owner of a BA in Journalism and Creative Writing and English with first class honours! A bit of a mouthful, but I'm so pleased. Here's lots of pictures of me with assorted Reids to prove it actually happened: it all feels a bit surreal).  

A few not-so-good things have also happened. Are happening. Along with the usual ordinary small life-things that make up most days. Eating dinner, going to bed much too late because of reading, working in the cafe, navigating round-a-bouts in the car, savouring the  sun when it's out, conversations, getting older (I turned twenty-two this week: an age that sounds quite like an adult's).

But here endith the news update (slash explanation for why I didn't post in June). I'll leave you with a small (to my knowledge untitled) poem by Kate DiCamillo, the last few lines of which have been waltzing around in my head recently.  

Take a breath. Listen. Now read.

♥

a poem - by Kate DiCamillo

My favourite six letter word is

always
because it promises
so much.

My favourite five letter word is
never
because it insists on contradicting
the promise.

My favourite four letter word is
once
because it says it
happened then.

My favourite three letter word is
yes
because I’m just now learning
to say it
to my heart.

My favourite two letter word is
if
because it makes
all things possible
like this:

If not always
If not never
Then once.

Yes.

that's old news.

Something I couldn't help but notice is...

I passed my driving test! I passed it (on the first attempt) ...in November. Quite old news now, I suppose, but it's still exciting. I get little moments while rumbling along the road where I suddenly realise: ‘Huh! I’m actually driving a car.’ (Both wonderful, and slightly terrifying at the same time).

When I was little(r) I'd always just assumed that I’d learn to drive when I 'grew up'. I remember making plans with my sister about all the things we’d do when we could drive (important things like: ‘go to the cinema pretty much all the time’ and ‘go to the swimming pool whenever we feel like it’*). The closer I got to seventeen, though, the harder it was to picture myself actually driving a car. I’ve wrestled with quite debilitating anxiety since I was about eleven – something that I’ve only very recently learned how to manage – and, up until this past year, I just couldn’t visualise myself feeling well enough to drive.

So this is a major achievement in more ways than one! Something which seemed near-impossible even just a year ago has now become a reality. Encouraging to realise that change is possible, that wellness is possible (and that nipping along to Morrisons to get a loaf of bread is also now possible).

Hooray!

(Oh, also. While on the subject of ‘that which once seemed impossible’: I completed and submitted my dissertation last month (my dissertation on that most unfathomable of subjects: the humble sandwich). Now comes the long wait till June for the results.)  

*alas, we’ve not yet done either of these (cinema trips or swimming). I’ve mostly just been driving to work and to pick my brother up from school and whatnot. Being a full-time nurse (her) and in your honours year of university (me) doesn’t really leave much time for doing much else. Plus, I don’t think we factored in the whole ‘we’ll need to pay for the cinema tickets ourselves’ thing! One day soon though!

the moon's never seen me before.

(A sneaky little post written in whispering letters just to say: hope you all had a lovely Christmas and that next year is full of many delightful things.   

The promise in my last post of writing ‘soon’ fell to the wayside when the dissertation took over – nine days till it’s due in, and counting.

 

 

I’ll not leave you with empty promises, though. Instead, here are some pictures of light I've been noticing while going about my days - most especially the twinkle lights in my room.

 

 

 

 

I’ve recently fallen in love – all over again – with the lovely, wistful light they cast, with the way their reflections dance over every surface they touch.

  

  

And now, of course, you must listen to this: by Sam Philips. Goodnight.)

 

birthday noticings

A few things I spotted on my (twenty-first) birthday last week:

[one.] Stars and candles on the breakfast table. (Birthday breakfasts are always a big thing in my family. Menu this year: orange juice, granola with vanilla yoghurt and berries, roll and sausage with or without brown sauce, numerous cups of tea ...or coffee, if you so desired.)

[two.] A flower box in Glasgow's west end. If I ever live in France (somewhat unlikely as I don't speak the language, but who knows! I might just marry a French man and learn it) then I will have a window box of red geraniums. If I never get round to living in France, I'd still quite like the window box.

[three.] A photograph at the Oran Mor (where we went for 'A Play, a Pie, and a Pint') with this underneath. I was taught by Louise Welsh in first year. She marked my very first official short story (a somewhat melodramatic - but lovely to write - tale about a circus elephant and true love).



[four.] Another house spotted just outside the Botanic Gardens (I'd like to have lots of potted plants leading up to my door at some point in my life, as well as the window box... maybe even in the same house. I just need to get over my bee-phobia).

[five.] A self-help book in the Oxfam bookshop with Smiles as the author (very suitable sir name). Unfortunately I was too busy taking a picture of 'Smiles' that I didn't notice the book of essays by C.S. Lewis sitting beside him until I got home and looked at this picture. Drat!

[six.] A devilish looking Ford sign (I'm learning how to drive in a Ford by the way. It took me four lessons to learn this information myself. Turns out when you start driving lessons everyone likes to ask: 'So what kind of car does your instructor have?' Not the kind of information I pay attention to. 'Em... a blue one?')

[seven.] You know your 'little' brother, is not so 'little' anymore when he is quite a bit taller than your mother. 

[eight.] These daisies were in my Gran's garden. I agree with Kathleen Kelly in You've Got Mail that daisies are the friendliest flower.

[nine.] Possibly the largest apple pie I have ever seen in my life.

the sun shining down over me and you

Something I've noticed the past two weeks has been..... the sun! (Cue the music!) When you live in a country renouned for its rain, sun is something that is worth noting. Especially when it allows you to leave the house without a coat: a treat indeed.

(This is a picture from a picnic last week with two nice friends in the Botanic Gardens: playing 'Pooh sticks' over a bridge, eating strawberries, being pestered by hungry dogs, playing UNO, wearing a dress, looking at old postcards, witnessing fellow picnic-ers create a daisy chain of many metres, not needing to worry about exams, catching the sun on our faces, eating ice-cream to cool down. A jolly lovely day.)

♥

(While writing this post, I've been listening to Andrew Bird's new album ...and I've now bought it because I like it that much. Just to let you know!)

I heard your heart sing...

I came across this song yesterday. My sister and I were wandering about in Glasgow for a while before going to see The Artist (silent, black and white, beautiful) ...and I heard it in a shop. I wrote a story over Christmas about a girl with a singing heart... so the words stuck out.



Happy New Year! I hope it is a year to remember (for good reasons, not for bad ‘Oh yeah, that was the year that I broke six ribs, and I did so badly in all my exams that I was personally called by the Dean and told to "get lost", and my parents ran away, and I witnessed that trapeze artist fall to his death which made me lose my appetite so I ate nothing but toast and peanut-butter for four months’ kind of reasons).

I’m hoping this year will be filled with fantastic conversations, and ink-stained fingers, and new experiences, and piles of books read, and plans that have ticks next to them, and enlightening discussions, and trips to interesting places, and better time keeping, and things that challenge me (in a positive ‘growing into the best version of myself’ kind of way) ...and tea (of course).

♥

I haven't been eaten by an aligator.

♥

I’m just about to go and read more about “free indirect discourse” in Sense and Sensibility (WONDERFUL! I hate exams with a passion, but I like studying for them – learning and remembering interesting ideas). I thought I’d pop on here first though just to say I’m still alive and I’ve not abandoned this blog. I’ve just been busy with studying and whatnot. ‘Whatnot’ includes: 

♥ sitting outside for lunch as much as possible, while the sun lasts

♥ watching the royal wedding (what a beautiful dress. Yes, a lot of hype and 'pomp' - what a funny word - but it's nice to see a celebration on the news for a change, and to have an opportunity to laugh at ridiculous hats)

♥ getting my hair cut (it was getting quite long – so long, in fact, that everyone very kindly took it upon themselves to remind me how much I suit short hair. My sister actually dialled the number of the hair dresser for me, so I decided to take the hint, ha ha. It does look less messy.)

♥ going to see the Alice in Wonderland ballet (by the Scottish ballet – it was quite dark and wonderfully bizarre.)

♥ working in the cafe at the weekends (busy, very busy)

♥ making up songs about vegetables with my brother while making the dinner (‘Carrots on the Floor’ and ‘Fruit Salad (Ba-na-na-na-na)’. Expect updates on the release date of our EP soon).

♥ listening to: this song (I love, love, love Mumford and Sons)

Back to studying now! I will write more soon. Promise.

Pictures from: here.

tea and cakes and things.

I found this teacup necklace at the Granny Would be Proud vintage fair in Hillhead Bookclub on Sunday. (We were in having brunch for my Dad's birthday.)

After brunch, it was so sunny so we went for a wee wander around the West End of Glasgow - my favourite part of the city.

We went for (earl grey) tea and (cinnamon crumble, strawberry pavlova, and coconut) cakes at a very cute, retro place on Ashton Lane (Aunty M's Cake Lounge). They were delicious. 'The best cake I've ever had in my life' according to my Mum.  

This bizarre (or creepy) plate was hanging up in the wall in there. Quite strange.

The Oxfam Bookshop in the West End is magnificent. (Compact? Really?)

 

♥  

Happy New Year!

I spent the first few hours of 2011 at work, serving drinks, cleaning wine glasses, sweeping up confetti. Just before the stroke of midnight though, everyone who was working was given a small glass of champagne. All the customers gathered by the stage in bow ties and sparkly purple dresses, and all the workers huddled together a little way off.

'Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!!'

And for a few minutes we were allowed to drop our roles – waitress, bar staff, chef, dish washer – and just be people, toasting in the New Year. A few moments of excitement, hugging people you wouldn't normally, asking about ambitions...and then back to work.

...that is the thing about being a waitress, it is a role. Once I put the uniform on, once I button up the shirt and tie a bow at the back of the apron, I become: The Waitress. Which is fine, but sometimes (during the summer especially, when I’m working for months at a time) it feel quite anonymous, like my 'self' gets lost inside crumpled napkins and dirty dishes... 

There was one day, two summers ago, when the cafe was mobbed – clinking tea cups, piano music, talking, talking, a small child whining, laughing, cutlery rattling – and I had been running about all day bringing ice-cream sundaes and coffees to customers, when I came to a table I’d served earlier. Table 39: a lady, and a man with blue eyes, and their little boy, and his granny who was wearing a bright pink t-shirt. And the man said,

‘I hope they pay you well, because you work very hard.’

And then the granny asked,

‘What’s your name, love?’

‘Melissa.’

And soon I was back to whizzing about with more trays of drinks, but that was lovely. Kindness is beautiful, even if it comes in the form of a few words and a naming.

‘Melissa. My name is Melissa.’

Yes! I am not a uniform. I am a literature student. I had tuggy hair when I was a little girl. I am in love with the idea of love, but frightened of the reality of it. I am an aspiring ‘doer of good’. I am a person.

I try hard to see the customers as people, and not just table numbers. They are living stories, characters with quirks and ambitions. I like it when they remember, and remind me, that I am story too. Just now is only a chapter.

(pictures from Matte Stephens. The last one isn't related, I just thought it was funny...)

...wrapping can be an art!

I spent most of Christmas Eve wrapping these: tipp-ex, brown paper, string, and ribbon. I’m not much of a ‘crafty’ person, but I like making presents look pretty. Probably silly to spend so much time on something that will only get looked at for a few seconds before it is torn off, but it was fun to make them. It was just a pity they had to be opened! The presents underneath weren't quite as exciting.